Player-Family Relationship
Family plays a paramount role in the development of a player. Your family is your first and best supporter. Your parents will be there for you, always. There is no doubt that they want the best for you. They will be the ones that will celebrate with you during your best moments and support you during the bad ones. Building a strong relationship player-family is critical: it will be built around motivation, propulsion, and encouragement, as well as physical, emotional, and financial support.
However, your family members are not professional basketball players (except for counted exceptions). They do not understand the specificities of the game, and, most of the time, they will not understand what is happening in your head. The following sections will help your family (especially your parents) understand their role and learn how to support you.
Parents Maturity
The whole family, and particularly parents, are encouraged to support and always act in the best interest of the player. They are usually the ones bringing the young player into basketball. Same as the player, they will mature over time and it is critical that they understand their role along the player’s career.
As a parent, you must understand that you have a critical role to play and that you are one of the most influential persons on a player’s development period. The parent’s involvement spectrum can be divided in three:
The unfulfilled dreamer
A young player’s success should never be utilized as a means of status or personal intent. Parents need to be able to differentiate the needs of their children from their own. Excessive coaching, pressure, and criticism can result in undue stress for the player, leading to performance anxiety, fatigue, burnout, and loss of enthusiasm and drive for the sport. Forcing children to live out their unfulfilled dreams is not healthy, and it is usually a precursor of career failure, drop-out, and bad parent-player relationship.
The under-involved parent
These are the parents that lack any sort of enthusiasm or engagement for the athlete’s goals and endeavours. The lack of support and encouragement can become disheartening for a young athlete, making it more likely that his/her dedication to basketball will wane.
The adequate supporter
In the middle-ground of parenting, we find the adequate supporter. This kind of parent provides flexibility for the player’s progress, he/she is moderately involved, and provides adequate support without controlling every move. Ideally, they will have a good communication with the coach to be able to provide feedback according to his/her message to establish the best developmental path for their child.
It is important to remain sensitive to a young player’s developmental needs to maximize the long-term success on the court and off the court.
Educate Yourself
Not all parents are former players or basketball fans with the knowledge to understand basketball as a sport, and professional basketball as a challenge. In order to support your child, you must educate yourself:
Educate yourself on the rules of the game so you can actively discuss with and understand your child.
Educate yourself on the development pathways available to your child in order to provide him/her with proper guidance and relevant opportunities.
Educate yourself on the pressures of being an athlete so that you can provide the proper support systems for your child. Too much pressure can turn a child away from sport while with the right attitude and support your child can learn just as much from losing as they can from winning.
Educate yourself on how developing athletes can balance sport and other parts of life so that you can guide your child as he/she makes life-decisions.
Educate yourself on the dangers related to drug-use, overtraining and other risky behaviour that are common among athletes so that you can be aware of any growing problems or issues your child is having.
Educate yourself on the role parents can play within a club or team and make yourself available for volunteering and actively engaging with the team.
Parents Interaction
Many issues arise because parents are unsure as to how they can best assist their children. Parents may often choose the less opportune decision over the more appropriate one. Parents are primarily responsible for the overall evolution of the athlete as a person. At an early stage, parents should promote the notion of a healthy balance between sport and personal development. They should act as a regulator for young athletes, who could be still too young to have a clear and long-term vision of their career.
Parents who care about the sport future of their children should be educated in how important it is to build positive relationships from early childhood. Once it is clear that your child can become a professional basketball player (e.g. competing at international level), your role might change a bit:
Interaction with the athlete
Ensure the player respects the principles of good sportsmanship, behaviour and ethics. They should stay grounded, and parents should avoid expressions such as: "the referee was terrible".
No matter what stage the player is at, you should always try to manage them so that they live within their means and follow a monthly budget.
Understand that professional players may have to grow-up faster than other people of their age. However, they will still need your psychological and physical support.
The more professional they become, the more people will be needed to help them. While you must be his/her main support at a younger age, you must understand that, at some point, the player will need an agent, a financial advisor, a sport psychologist, etc. to grow his/her career. Step aside and understand that this is for the player’s best interest.
School and education
If possible, give preference to sports-friendly schools and institutions.
Speak to other parents to see how they have managed to find time for distance-learning education courses or short-term training courses for their child.
As a general rule, try to drive your child towards a dual-career. However, the final decision should come from them.
Talk to your National Federation or Players' Mentor to learn about all the possibilities.
Interaction with the coaches
As parents, you must acknowledge that a coach's expertise and knowledge makes them an authority figure within the sport and that they must be treated as such.
Depending on the level and age, you might want to have a good relationship with coaches and have a fluid and friendly communication with them.
Understand that the coach will gain a lot of influence on your child’s life. Try to work with him/her, instead of against him/her.
Interactions with Agents
Take your time, together with your child, to choose an agent. It is a key decision that will affect the athlete's career.
Make sure you find out important information, such as whether or not he or she is well respected in the world of sport. Ask for recommendations from people around you.
Make sure the agent will have no conflict of interests in taking decisions. Is he/she totally independent from clubs or other associations, for instance?
Check the section agents from this guide and contact your National Federation or FIBA should you have any questions.
Parents' most important dos' and don'ts
Do’s
Educate yourself.
Be interested and supportive. Acknowledge and enjoy your child’s participation and successes, even the small ones.
Let your child make his/her own mistakes and learn from them. When your child makes a mistake, ask what they think they could have done differently, what they learned from the experience, and if they would like any feedback (not criticism or blame). Failing is an opportunity for growth.
Teach your child to respect his/her coach by showing respect to the coach yourself.
Show respect for referees and officials, always. Young players will copy/paste what they see at home.
Ensure that the player respects the principles of good sportsmanship, behaviour and ethics.
Encourage (but don’t force) the player to follow a dual-career. His/her professional career might be short. Education will be the key for their post-career success.
Support your child’s choice to play no sport (or choice to play a different sport).
Don’ts
Don’t try to relive your youth through your child. Accept that your child may not excel in that or any sport.
Don’t blame the equipment, coach, other players, referees or even the weather. Blaming others teaches non-accountability to kids. They do not learn to look at what they could have done differently or learn from their mistakes if they learn to blame others.
Don’t push. Players may lose their self-confidence, become resistant and resentful toward their parents, become unsure of themselves and their abilities, may stop trying, or may drop-out.
Don’t tie your ego or image to your child’s performance. Laying guilt on a child because “their performance made you look bad,” is highly destructive. Your child is not responsible for your reputation in the community.